You carry on, steady through the storm. Talking to a friend may be helpful, but you might also consider discussing your feelings with a mental health professional. WebPsychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist Would she normally kiss you before going to work? Fortunately, theres a If you need help, I will cook dinner". (and the smell, yuck) Even his clothes smell like old grease. He is withdrawing from you, and youre feeling alone. I do this sometimes. I am a partner though, specifically yours. (And he sees this as a good thing)half done, with walls half painted. By then its too late. He broke my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and then the demon came outagain. Effective at making you get better because it was boring as shit. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. (again, fear). Mistake on my part expecting a bit too much help from my partner. Your partner sounds as if he's not good at transitions (i.e. It s supposed to make me feel better because it s not just me. I know some have stated this, others have said the opposite. The former provides you both with a structure that can work (does for many couples.) He made everyone pay for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat and victim. Then he kept telling me I was going to be alright. Because in his mind, I'm supposed to be taking care of him.not the other way around. Submitted by The Bride (not verified) on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 04:33. Once shes mad, the first step to resolving it is by me apologizing. He even broke the kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water. Some men are selfish creatures. I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. What should I do? yuck. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. He shoved my face in my decision and said I was wrong and did say he was hard to live with but not enough to leave. The whole thing is just very, very HARD. I hear you, I cant count the number of times my husband made it very clear that myillness was a hughinconvenience for him there was no thought to how it made me feel. Not flu/COVID/serious illness. Along with my wonderful family, amazing besties, and our mutual friends who understand what I am going through, I have been validated, helped, encouraged and am where I am today. I shouldn't have to and I take very good care of myself after 27 years and a complete role reversal. Thankfully, our two children were happy to help me. I wish you the best. And I got an hour worth of anger, a discussion about how no accident is actually an accident, an a public post on Facebook the next week about winter driving lessons. He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. If I am not in his presence at the moment, I am not on his mind. I am ok. He is loved by many, not evil. They want something done and over with, right then. She says take medicine or go to doctor. (Although I didn't make him do the dishes). Sign #10: Not protective over you at all. The texting got out of hand and the rest is history. Right now I'm back at the house trying to get some stuff in order. Its me, me and my illness, that dominate our life. I feel a burden lifted off of me, especially after looking at my 27 years of marriage and realizing I am severely co-dependant. NOTHING HELPED. I pretend I am single and take care of me and my home for me. How does someone even DO that? Of course, the more the therapist learned, the more it just reinforced what he already knew. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08. She doesn't care that I am in pain because she feels my feelings are unfounded. Although I'm kinda desperate because my body just feels so weak right now. The only thing he has genuinely shared from his therapy was the conclusion that he lies to everyone all the time. All I can say is wow. He thinks about "whatever", in the moment he's in. Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. Anyway. Several years ago they broke their foot (minor avulsion fracture) by twisting their ankle, requiring several weeks with a boot and wrap to recover. I have made myself the central focus in our relationship. If she's sick, and the kids need something, she's on her own. Submitted by c ur self on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:17, ( A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. Submitted by sickandtired on Fri, 12/11/2020 - 08:44. And my lack of ability to insist on my needs put me in a ditch with a broken neck on my moms 60 birthday. This goes so deep. Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. I agree his kids should come first. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. My hu How many people have you slept with in your life?? In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. I left work early and took them to hospital, tended them there, brought them home and generally took care of as much as I could to keep them comfortable and on the way to mending throughout. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. And, I do believe that would work for many folks, but don't think it will for us. Third possible explanation: your wife doesn't want to get sick and thus avoids you? I could reclaim myself so to speak and put myself out there in the relationship but unless my H admits to the effects of adhd in the marriage and takes concrere steps tofix it, I don't expect another outcome. WebMaybe he's the kind of person who doesn't want to be bothered when he's sick. Theyve been together for 15 That put yourself in these situations and then wonder why things happen to you. WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. With my dh, he doesn't react well to any kind of situation when his filters are down (and always always at home) -- there was that time when I fell against a window in a freak accident -- breaking my humeris and dislocating my shoulder on the radiator at the same time. Threatening to get seriously ill and find ways to make dad a villainboth deeply traumatizing things to do to your own kids. My husband thinks it's hilarious to ask when I'll be sexually available again but balks when I ask him for some ice to settle my stomach. Jan 14, 2018. Can totally relate to your post. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. I used to do the same thing. I gotvery sick from what I ate. There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. We havent heard from you in a while, and Im hoping you are ok. Boy did we cry. When I got to the ER and they did a CAT scan, they said it was about to burst. Stop selling your soul for sex, money or a sense of security. Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. I dont expect to be doted on and coddled when Im sick, but some level of He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. Always. Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. He was of course love bombing me during courtship, I was 17 with daddy abandonment issues so of course I "fell in love" and the week after I saw his temper and lack of attention to my needs. I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really feel love..for that moment. Some people have zero bedside manner. My In-laws and husband were there, along with our daughter. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. He did - but was very angry and mean about it. Whichever it is, I wasted most of my life trying to make something work that couldn't. I haven't been yelled at once while expressing myself. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat! This is a never ending cycle that doesn't ever stop. If there IS, it's usually in a complaint or verbal assault on someone or something, that irritated him, again, "at the moment". You know, a "special" love. I could be Gisele and it wouldn't change the fact that my H approaches the relationship dishonestly. I occasionally get teary about it, my feelings were so hurt. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. My husband responded to me that if I went on medical leave I would have to stop seeing my doctor because he wouldn't pay for it anymore. I had to call my mother to take me.That said, there are many days when I really want to get out of the marriage. I have loved you for a long time, and we have been through so much together, but what Ive recently learned is this: You could care less about my illness. I am not an illness. It makes your partner retreat - the opposite of wanting to connect. Terms. Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men. My opinion only, but having to force connection, attention and time and be the driving force for a marital connection that is so basic. well, that seems hollow to me also. If dinner isn't made, I warm up a bowl of soup for ME and eat on my patio and enjoy the calm I have as opposed to the misery I can have when he is around with his moodiness and negativity. Germaphobe type thing? (Daddy issues?). It is obvious that ADD people rarely change for any measurable amount of time. How would he manage without me, his Bandaid? Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. explicit permission. That's my two bits and I'm sticking too it. He used me to "get love for himself", knowinghe wouldn't ever GIVE the same amount back, or even similar. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. We went to the diner and my life changed. Etc. Okay, WE?? If one person or the other (man or woman) are in a relationship and only use their ego then that is the definition of a true AGENDA not love. I will not call for a man when I am sick. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I scrolled through my phone contacts and one name popped out, an old mutual friend of ours. Now he is fine with it, he got used to it and I feel its because I did not cave in to the codependency. Like so many of the other posts, writing this post and sharing my feelings is very therapeutic. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. Submitted by PoisonIvy on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 15:38. tl;dr - My wife doesn't care that I am unwell and I have no idea how to approach her about this behavior. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. He threatened to sue me and the doctor because the kid had to go temporarily on multiple antibiotics to help knock down the infections. That can be very hard to do! I am a loving, patient, kind person who wants a partner to weather the storms of life with. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. Have been married for 4years now. Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. You might be thinking, wow, why be with someone like that? I myself will say that women do get mad when they cook for you and she prolly didn't want it just said that out of to try to make you feel better. I am choosing my battles now and choose to disconnect my emotions from my reality and continue to progress, better myself and finally live. I would blame him for screwing up mine. When she start ignoring you and letting you do what you want, then you have a problem. I'm not sure about what's being discussed about men. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:18. Newly wed so some things are quite new. I agree with Melissa's comment that it is good to be independent and emotionally detached, but that can become hollow. The saying goes, "Don't be mad when I pull a you, on you." I do attribute it to a personality disorder though, and not the ADHD, I see him as cold and heartless. The only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. Stay away from me!" I love sex.while I am in the act of doing it..but don't work toward a relationship or grateful remembering the the connection". You only get 1 life and your life matters, period. He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I said no. but I am trying to get past the resentment so now it simply feels like a friendship and some days like room mates but my goal is to remain pleasant and loving, as I would treat a friend. Thanks. 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