We share very few friends and almost never go out with other couples or invite them to our house. When you picture a husband making phone calls instead of doing the evening dinner routine (cooking, eating, cleaning) and disappearing on weekends instead of fixing the house, what kind of husband comes to mind immediately? He avoids social media, keeps his opinions to himself,. So a little . Its MUCH better to be alone and happy than deal with stupid women. Of course, you work. That is not her idea of a fun evening. Someone above mentioned how they felt introversion is not something that can be fixed, and I agree. She would be at home relaxing in front of the tv. If not, you have another set of decisions to make. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. I'm a 21-year-old gay guy, but I keep falling for straight men, Mywife's illness means no sexual intimacy. We're retiring soon and I'm starting to worry that our different social needs will become a problem. HE DOESNT WANT TO DO IT. And why in the world would I ever want to be with a group of people or double date? I had to withstand the looks of my friends who wondered what his behavior was about. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. 7. My husband doesn't like to be touched (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images) QUESTION: I am a 33-year-old woman and married since last 6 years. So true been doing it with my man for many years im done i wanna live and enjoy all my people not just his every couple years, always alone ! Your husband should want that for you and not be jealous or concerned. 8. WTF? 22/07/2016 17:22. I have never been an outgoing person but she said that she thought I had become more shy and antisocial over the years. Maybe theyll get it, maybe they wont, who gives a shit, they dont give a shit about us. It is a fundamental part of who we are. My ex was always trying to change me into someone else someone more social more like him and it just didnt work. Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Here's a link to his video again. Remember, both people should be givers in the relationship. 3) Give Him Time To Unwind (then Take Yours) 4) Stay in the Right Attitude and Perspective. A Step-by-Step Process, Will and Trust Documents After Divorce: What You Need to Know, 5 Tips for Coparenting with Someone Who Hurt You, How to Attract the Love of Your Life in 2023, 10 Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer at Your First Meeting, Going Through a Divorce? Im the introvert in my relationship. Why should they be forced to do something they hate? It doesnt have to stay that way. Hopefully he'll change his attitude and you'll leave with some new skills. I find it difficult to interact when there are too many people present. Even with family, at the beach or even Sea World. He feels abandoned when you go to spend time with your friends, left behind with no one to connect with. I swear I do my best, I wish he would take my hand and go a bit slower. I feel I could have written this post. Whats the fight about? One thing to think about if your significant other doesn't like your friends is jealousy. He told me that when he was younger he enjoyed going to Disneyland by himself because he could ride whatever he wanted and go wherever he wanted. We strive to be attentive and faithful. Introverts are often accused of being "reclusive" or "antisocial.". It's only natural that most relationships start out with heated passion in the bedroom, but then slowly fizzle into something that fits into a routine. It puts a cloud over the whole evening. I spent hundreds at Kroger and she acts like a 2 year old when she wants to go eat out. Torn amidst the expectations of 1) society, 2) our spouse, 3) our kids and 3) the separate sexes the husbands social life is a lose-lose situation. Things we tell ourselves we will do to make the other person happy. I know youre scared and that youre hurting. We are completely different in terms of our social lives. I dont care about anything a 3rd party has to say. And therein lies the problem that has kept thousands of introverts . Avoid overthinking. Frankly, none of those questions matter. Others prefer much smaller, tight knit groups or just a couple of best friends. Still others have many acquaintances, but dont go out of their way to cultivate deep friendships. Eventually, she is at a bar and meets a man and starts having an affair. Relationships with women fail the cost/benefit analysis every time. You Don't Feel Good About. Dont forget to have empathy for your spouse, and remember that the person isnt behaving this way to hurt you. Things we do because we love the person so much that we want to make him or her happy, and if that means giving of ourselves, we just do it. Back to finances, I wont get a joint account because she maxed out a credit card and when I let her use my card to get necessities like bleach or detergent when we were dating, shed overdraft. I am an introvert myself and understand the pain of big crowds and the dislike for shallow small talk. There is a saying that says what may work for you may not work for me. Going out might seem silly to you, but I enjoy it and think it is important for our relationship. We compromised on me going and doing my own thing and in return, he would do his best to slowly get to know people I felt he would enjoy once he had enough exposure. 9. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Ive tried therapy thinking perhaps I could change my ways. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Too much individualism leads to neglect of the relationship, and too much focus on the marriage alone can make one or both members feel stifled and out of touch with their other social and family relationships. In other words, I'm a good person! My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. 2.You dislike interference from others in your life. 6. Joe loves to spend time with Jane, and Jane loves to spend time with Joe The problem is, Jane also loves to spend time with her friends, and Joe doesnt really have any. Let them choose the double date. Online is a great place to start but it cant end there. Passion in the bedroom isn't everything in a relationship, but it can explain a lot. If Jane wants to spend time with her friends, Joe either comes along (not an ideal scenario for Jane, who needs to enjoy her freedom and connect with people other than Joe to feel fulfilled), or he stays home by himself (which he does not enjoy he wants to be with Jane). Your husband's behavior is coming off as controlling, no doubt. He's no longer interested in intimacy. I dont have enough minutes left on this earth to waste even ONE on small talk I dont care about. Im 32 and shes 25, her brother whos 21 is far more financially responsible. My soon to be ex wife is extroverted. So I cant disagree with your assertion that having an antisocial spouse can lead to separation and divorce. I have not mention this to him because I really want to take this opportunity to improve a little, but at the same time I dont think its fair, and I dont think being introverted is a flaw or something to be fixed. If you are a homebody, marry that type of person. If they consider that rude and unfriendly thats fine with me. Embarrassing your spouse will help them see their flaws. A woman I still love left me almost three years ago and I still havent recovered. It can be deflating to come to your husband to talk about something that happened at the office or some sort of success, and he not only doesn't respond negatively but makes you feel bad about it. Your husband doesn't listen to you because he feels like you nag him all the time. He didnt hear I love you and I want us. Sometimes, it's completely accidental. You are going to make more money, and you might not want to share it with him. Should I pursue an affair with a man who just wants to be friends? You can see he's online but he's ignoring your posts or private messages. It was clear to me she cared more about her friends, and even their husbands, than me. I agree with everything Phil wrote. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. If you're going to sign your husband up on a social site or set him up on a "blind date" with the husband of one of your friends, don't do it without his consent. 2. Men are visually stimulated, and they enjoy looking at attractive women. I dont even use social media. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. I want us to be happy. Because thats what you do for someone you love and to whom you are committed. My name is Julie also. Ive made so many sacrifices for her and she cant take 10 seconds to pick up her mess. Coupled with a spouse with no friends to speak of, this can be a glimpse at the real roots of both issues. Let go and just enjoy that you made your wife happy. Speak to him about how he feels if you were to invite people over. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The sappy, romantic, love-letter-like, nearly obsessive social media posts that significant others put out there about each other. I can only make small talk for so long before Im bored out of my mind. I am the husband with no social life. I just wish I had my husband the way he was. How does this jibe with 2021 expectations? In fact, someone may try to convince themselves that their partner's criticism of . He heard you suck. Therapy can be very helpful for these kinds of situations. I dont know what to do. Men should be good fathers, so we spend time with children. Boy, Ill say. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, Love Essentially, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. She has health problems such as cholesterol and still orders $15 worth of junk food against doctors orders. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA . When introverts are ready to call it a night, extroverts are just getting started. I dont demand she does anything. You got it! Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states: "Foreplay and passionate kissing before sexual intercourse is an emphatic Sunnah (sunnah muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise." (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/115, See: Hadith no.