Yes. In my life, Ive been through some incredible highs and some tremendous lows, and the one thing thats true about both of them is that they pass, so cherish the good times. like theyre impressing us in some way. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. DeGeneres later returned to the Nemo franchise with the 2016 sequel, Finding Dory. If I have to do that, thatll be good. Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. [claps] And then when youre sweaty, trying totake them off Its like Ive never taken one off. [message sent noise], And shed send me this. View history Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO. The 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal. What are the kids doing? Some of the restaurants are trying to figure out how to help vegans. I think they have been. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . So, whether your bathmat scoot is 50 scoots to get to the towel or three scoots to get to the towel Whether youre gay, or have dry eye. So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. FOX Image Collection via Getty Images. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. Ellen DeGeneres has told viewers she is ending her long-running TV show because "I truly have felt like next season was the right time" to bring it to a close. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (1,088) 7.6 60min 2003 X-Ray 7+ Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. I mean [crowd laughs] I refuse to be a barbarian anymore. Ill bring a gown in case theres a captain from a boat that I have to have dinner with. DeGeneres became my favorite comic within one hour of I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. I love being vegan. Do you have anything to say to the Did you graduate college? I dont understand what fleas do even. Ellen DeGeneres performs her comedy-concert live on stage and taped for HBO. I cant move right now. That was somebodys idea. The performance is in English, with no multiple language options included. Im laying on the sofa, I have my phone. But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English Trees have leaves. Yeah. We dont care. Please, change. Are there ten I just guessed. May is usually the beginning of graduation season. So I get downstairs and my friend isstill down wandering around in thehallway and Im like: What are you still doing here? And hes like: Im lost. And Im like: Ohmy God. How many times have I shown you the frontdoor? Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane Commencement 2009 Below is the full transcript of Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 commencement speech at Tulane University on May 16, 2009. Ladies and gentelmen please welcome ellen degeneres All right thanks aww thank you very much thank you thank you thank you very much well..thanks what a lovely way to start work.thank you very much I.. We never bought anything. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up We get a junk drawer. I dont know if thats true. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. I kinda had to tone it down a little bit, I had to dress differently. Andy Lassner: (07:48) Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. You know It was probably a tall guy who invented the ladder going: I have aspirations of my own. Im gonna see what that is, right there,with that because I have to see this and No, I know youre next to me but youre still wrong, even though you caught up. You buy a ladder when youre an adult. Gillian: And it didn't happen. When I was 21, my biggest accomplishment was I got front row tickets to see Peter Frampton. Andy Lassner: (08:16) And I also want to say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able to have a graduation ceremony. I will, yeah. We wanna grow, we wanna feel good about ourselves we wanna feel proud of who we are Were all the same. And next? And so I had to move out of the place we were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore. I had a successful sitcom. Id like to speak to the manager. Can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and the Wright brothers and Is the guy who sliced the bread here? May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. Makes sense now. Its the news, without the news. Fair use is permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. Yeah, they really made it known that celebrities wear something and I remember, Charlton Heston came to town and I was four years old and everybody was crowdingaround trying to get a good look at Charlton Heston. Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. Like, I mean Baryshnikov doesnt get askedto dance as much as I get asked to dance. Ellen Degeneres gave a virtual graduation speech from her home, congratulating the class of 2020. Thats what Ive noticed. At the starting of the week Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but they should always wear pants. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. It could be all because of her. 00:25. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. High school graduation was my favorite graduation ceremony. Yeah. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up DeGeneres sent an email to staffers at "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on. Im slicing it. Its when I learned that the truth will always win. And I wantedto understand this. He didnt even know how to slice it. Ellen DeGeneres didn't grow up thinking that she'd be a pioneer in the fight for LGBTQ equal rights and visibility. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) I have 15 on right now. Im the be-kind girl. If you look at the commercials that areon the air, most every commercial is forsome type of medicine, some kind of pill and I dont knowif youve noticed it the medicine commercials The side effectsare so long that the people on the commercial are running out of activities. [crowd laughs] [claps] Where do you get your riboflavin? Its hard to be vegan. But Im not [crowd laughs] Oh, look how happy you are. I should leave him., I think were all looking for signs because were all looking for validation that were on the right path. Is there a teacher tWitch that you want to give a shout out to? They insist on memorizing your order. On Wednesday, the daytime show announced that after 19 seasons the final episode will air May 26. Lea Thompson. Thank you. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up They just put the room in the air. Now, she's addressing them directly about her decision to end . I thought either this is gonna be the worst joke Ive ever written or the best. Mazelel tov, graduates. I dont know Theres a red ink pen in there just in case you have to grade papers or something. We all had to have a tall friend to reach things for us. We all have our things that we do, that kind of doesnt make sense. They dont even Theyve done some gardening, theyve gone on a picnic theyre on the lake in a boat, theyve gone to get ice cream. Ellen Degeneres: (03:17) Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Id like someonealready in there before I get in therewaiting. [ Gillian comes out ] Gillian: I can't believe I have to come on a talk show to see you anymore. And Im gonna do that with my finger for a while because, I dont wanna judge. Watch Think Dig Deeper Customize this lesson 48 Oh. I heard he was coming to the party. If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. Im just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. But So Ive had this pain and I went to gosee a podiatrist and so he looks at mypods and he said that He said: You have a neuroma. And I said: You have a neuroma. I said that to him. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. As a film actress, DeGeneres starred in Mr. Wrong (1996), EDtv (1999), and The Love Letter (1999), and provided the voice of Dory in the Pixar animated films Finding Nemo (2003) and Finding Dory (2016); for Nemo, she was awarded the Saturn Award for Best Supporting Actress, the first time an actress won a Saturn Award for a voice performance. Still Oh, thank you. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. The best shoe for you to wear is a cowboyboot. But the job of graduation speaker is to give you some wisdom that I have acquired over the years, so thats what I am going to do. There was a woman in there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way,whos using that hairbrush? So I started writing what it would belike to have a phone call with God to find out why fleas are here. Theres a squirrel. Those look good. You have nice feet. Yeah. And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. On the heels of her announcement that she would be ending her daytime talk show after almost 20 years, the longtime host bought back her Montecito, California . 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