Husband: I cant find the remote. my wife asked me what sounds good for dinner? so I said I dunno, what sounds good to u? and she responded Im up for whatever and now its been a week and were slowly dying of hunger. Below, check out 50 of the best ones that will have you laughing into 2022. Me: Whats your secret to 55 years of marriage? If a couple interacts, flirts with each other a little and then spends some time apart in their home, they will naturally start to imagine having sex that day or later that night, which builds up sexual tension between them, he explained. Wife: I think they'll both happen. Steve Trevio adds to his comic reputation as "America's favorite husband" through his fifth stand-up special, I Speak Wife. I dont do escape rooms. But we did go into marriage already giving each other reports about our poops, so nothing much has changed. 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Me: I HATE THIS PLACE IT SUCKS HERE. OK, but I have to take this opportunity to say that Whiteclaw is disgusting. Wife: You're doing it wrong. And she just screams at me all the time.Welcome to my world The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 17, 2020 Rather than putting so much focus on what youre not happy about with the other person, start telling them what you appreciate and love about them, the relationship expert said. Is the concept of humor beyond so many people? Bored Panda has collected some of the most hilarious tweets that show what married life is like now, so scroll down and upvote your faves. And thats no good for anyone. My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say dont worry about it, just come home but instead I said dont forget the ice.. Whenever my husband calls me from the grocery store he whispers. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Rather than seeking to win arguments and make the other person feel at fault, try to find things that you agree on and then come to a solution that makes both of you happy, Dan advised. Me: What? Read on for the in-depth interview. We've spent about a fifth of our marriage quarantined together. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. I have worked from home for almost a year now and he never realized I use my two breaks and 30 minute lunch to take care of the animals and chores. Something for everyone interested in hair, makeup, style, and body positivity. Without that, you can end up taking the other persons presence for granted. Our SO is someone we spend a large part of our daily life with. @valeegrrl, Stages of a relationship: I like you. @iwearaonesie, Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didnt want to share. Start writing! I'd say that's a plus. Does that mean I have to do that thing he likes? ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, Chefs Are Sharing 30 Common Cooking Mistakes We Need To Avoid, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" The person may even start denying sex or affection (e.g. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. All Rights Reserved. I definitely have. Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. Marrying someone is easy. But what about how they hang the toilet roll??? Me: Note: this post originally had 150 images. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Be right back, my wife is in the kitchen and I need to go stand in front of the cabinet shes about to open. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. These are hilarious! I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, "Can't Approve Overtime? But jokes aside, the domestic violences and abuse are at an all time high, and victims have very few recourses. @kentwgraham, Marriage is just texting each other Do we need anything from the grocery store? a bunch of times until one of you dies. 2017-2023 The Super Mom Life. Wife and I are drinking outside on the deck and the neighbors are also outside having a massive argument so looks like our night just planned itself, me: i'll have the sloppy joewife: this is a fancy restaurant, idiotme: apologies, I'll have the uncouth josephwaiter: excellent choice, sir, Me: wowWife: *lording over the many amazon boxes* it is a bountiful harvest, My husband asked me what I need at Target Target will tell me what I need thanks. Me: Whatever will keep you awake past the opening credits. 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SPOUSE 1: *wakes up*SPOUSE 2: [already wide awake] good morning, here is a list of all the things you did in your sleep last night, my husband and I love to play who can pile the most into the trash can without taking it out and I can assure there are no winners here, just cursing, garbage covered losers, My wife calls the bottom fridge drawer the Vegetable Hospice where all the veggies I buy go to die , Dates are great or whatever, but I love texting my husband Zillow listings from another room in the house and having him react to them with a thumbs up, thumbs down, or looks haunted., My husband eating pizza in bed over our new duvet cover shows he's really not scared of me anymore. I love this for her. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. a 34% rise in sales of divorce agreements, Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor, 76% of new cases came from female clients, which makes it 16%, Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My husband just said, "I haven't had a cantaloupe this good since 1990!" document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Lots of funny stuff here! I've woken up furious at Real Hubby b/c Nightmare Hubby did something IDK, got married 2.5 years ago and we love this quarantine thinguie! Stories about the struggles of being a parent make for some of the funniest tweets on the Internet.. Why isnt porn more realistic? Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I cant listen to your problems right now. Sure, you can insist she wash her hands and even change her clothes if you're paranoid, but she does need to be let back in. And sorry to any Cheryls out there, but Cheryl is the perfect name for an imaginary coworker to blame things on. Turns out that my husband knew how to clean thoroughly this whole time. Quarantine day 13: My husband is describing sandpaper to me. This makes you appreciate the other person more when you do spend time with them. Me [already naked]: WHY WOULD I SAY NO? Wife: no. If the year 2020 has taught us something, it must be an appreciation of our closest ones and having an opportunity to start 2021 together. Many partners benefited from more quality time spent together, many initiated new hobbies and found common things to engage in together. He was fascinated with visual arts and arts in general for as long as he can remember. We hold major institutions accountable and expose wrongdoing. Now it is even worst. Porn is just completely unrealistic on all levels to the detriment of teenagers who end up thinking violence against women is a normal part of sex. Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. "Be right back, my wife is in the kitchen and I need to go stand in front of the cabinet shes about to open. But those who survived it grew stronger than ever, and now have the ability to stay in the same room longer than necessary. Me: are you sleeping? Wife: Can I change the channel? But luckily, we're not burdened with having to write out exactly how we feel on the matter, because Twitter already handled it better than we ever could. After finishing high school, he took a gap year to work odd jobs and try to figure out what he wanted to do next. But for couples who are struggling or dont communicate as well or dont share the same values, this situation is going to drive a wedge or exacerbate whatever tension is already there.. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband. @simoncholland, Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. We respect your privacy. Rather than taking every disagreement so seriously, try to use some humor to lighten the mood and allow both of you to see that you dont need to be so serious and uptight about things. This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize Im not out of his league. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. Sources for the statement about the chores, please. Dan said that divorce isnt a pleasant experience for neither the man, the woman, nor their children if they have any. This is really f*****g insidious. Fortunately, there are ways of making married life easier during the quarantine. Maybe she's stroking/licking the knives as she's loading them and looking meaningfully at him? Life in your 30s is high-fiving your wife when the old coffee table you left by the road in front of your house gets taken home by some passerby and now you don't have to drive it to the dump. As if married life wasnt hard enough already (separate toothpaste tubes since your partner doesnt squeeze it right, anyone? Me: Just giving you a show. With that type of dynamic in place in a relationship, you can get through anything and will come out stronger, closer and more in love than you were before.. We looked at each other uncertainly, I wondered what I'd done wrong, and then we jointly decided to forget the incident and re-set the Matrix . Feb 27, 2023, 03:34 PM EST. Wife: Otherwise it's just an idea of yours, not a fact. Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets. I'm pretty sure today is my wedding anniversary, but not like 100% sure.Thank God I married a man so no one really cares. Come on. My husband hasnt turned his TV off in 2 months but hes gonna gripe at me for not turning out a light when I leave the room, yeah okay. 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Activation link opportunity to say that Whiteclaw is disgusting texting each other do need! It grew stronger than ever, and body positivity your knee was on my side of the ones... The grocery store what about how they hang the toilet roll???????...