It's going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. I grew up with parents who believed a kid shouldnt have friends and should be indoors always. J Abnorm Psychol. Most times, overthinking is caused by a lack of self-confidence. Overthinking isn't the same as healthy problem-solving. Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side, and youre going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. It's going to cost you relationships and friends. "Overthinking takes place when you want to prevent a negative outcome," Yasmine Saad, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Youll see us go out and what will seem like a great time as we throw back shots laughing quickly turns into a moral hangover of my apologizing for whatever I said or did I dont remember. If you are overthinking important issues in your life, you can get stuck in indecision, avoidance, and procrastination. Are you easily aware of what youre thinking at any given moment? Again, it can help to remember to stay grounded in the moment. He believes the world can be a better place if we look out for other people, and hes been doing that with his articles. Its exhausting. You don't want to over-focus on someone before they've proven that they're ready to do the same for you. Personality and Individual Differences. Overthinking involves dwelling on the problem. Cutting unnecessary ties allows you to focus on one of the most important things in life: true friendship. Nothing You Do Will Be Enough If the Relationship Isnt Right, How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents, How I Learned the Power of Letting Go After My Father Developed Dementia, Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now, How Griefcations Helped Me Heal from Loss and How Travel Could Help You Too. Overthinking is a problem for another type of thinking that I discussed in a previous post: negative intrusive thoughts. |, 6 Signs You Are Overthinking Relationships Too Much (and How to Stop), 15 Pressure Points on Feet for Different Mental and Physical Health Problems, How to Deal with Jealous Friends in Your Life, Body Language of Men: 22 Nonverbal Signs He Likes You, 10 Signs of Limerence and How It Differs from Genuine Love, Timeboxing Technique & How It Can Increase Your Productivity, How to Do More with Valentines Day, Without Spending a Dime, 8 Great Conversation Starters to Instantly Connect With Any Person. It is also purposeful. Sometimes Id love to just lay it all out on the line, what someone is signing up for before becoming my friend. This is one of the most common tell-tale signs and it's also based on competitive behaviour. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Life Advancer is a blog created by Anna LeMind, B.A., and Panos Karam with the purpose to give you solutions for improving your life and becoming your best possible self. It's like my brain won't shut off," or, "I can't stop thinking about how my life could have been better if I'd have done things differently.". You could end up projecting those imaginary reasons on the next person you dateeffectively turning yourself into an anxious, walking-on-your-own-eggshells body rather than a present partner and preemptively blaming someone for things that aren't really there. Knowledge really is power, and understanding why your mind is running away with you can help reel it back in. "Think about how you might act if those scary thoughts never showed up and try acting on your values instead of your thoughts.". I relive embarrassing moments in my mind over and over. Overthinking can be a hard habit to break. Im not easy but I like to think Im worth it. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. What If Your Overthinking Is Actually Good for You? By continuing to use this website, you consent to the use of cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Listen. Taiwo Alade is a writer and UX Designer. 14 Ways to Stop Overthinking Destructive thought patterns Check yourself Find a distraction Breathe Meditate Zoom out Be kind Conquer ANTs Tally up wins Be present Find a new view Take action. Em I need some therapy Cause C knowing me I think too much. So do whatever you can to spend time with friends or other prospects, not just to distract yourself, but to tell your brain that that there are more important things/people out there, too. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. And instead of taking action on what I think, I continue thinking about it. Dont beat yourself up or hate yourself for it. 2013;122(2):339-352. doi:10.1037/a0031994, Thomsen DK, Mehlsen MY, Christensen S, Zachariae R. Ruminationrelationship with negative mood and sleep quality. Now said co worker is getting married the wedding is abroad and I'm not invited( it's family and close friends besides someone has to be in the country to work since the boss and other staff( family) are all going). Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. But keep in mind obsessing over "what if" scenarios rarely prevents them from happening. You know the type, the kind of people that when they dont receive a text message from a friend that friend has obviously had a tragic accident. She invited me to her engagement party which is in couple of months time. The truth is theres a lot of things you wont notice it at first. You don't want to start a relationship on a dynamic where you have to decipher everything they say and do. Youll listen as I overanalyze an event and try and see it from many different perspectives. And if you don't? Just make sure it isn't related to something you're ruminating about, he says, like your relationship. "And if youre not present, how can you possibly grow in your relationship?". ", Not to mention, if you say "hi" instead of "hey" and it results in a breakup, they weren't someone you needed to be with anyway. When you overthink, you have a hard time getting your mind to focus on anything else. PostedJanuary 18, 2020 Overthinking involves thinking about a certain topic or situation excessively, analyzing it for long periods of time. Do you often question why you are having certain thoughts? Youll notice more than one miss call. If you're accomplishing something, you won't have time to overthink. And the worse you feel, the harder it is to take positive action because emotions can cloud your judgment. I try to draw out details from the tiniest cues and put a lot of thought in them. To you, it might not seem like much but sometimes just listening is everything. 2010;21(4):484-488. doi:10.1177/0956797610363555, Rnic K, Dozois DJ, Martin RA. I believed I was a boring conversationalist, so whenever I was talking with someone, Id always try hard to prove my belief wrongsometimes unnaturallyto keep a pointless conversation going when I could end it. Now said co worker is getting married the wedding is abroad and I'm not invited( it's family and close friends besides someone has to be in the country to work since the boss and other staff( family) are all going). So instead of letting that vibe take over, refocus on the kind of partner you want to be. Its easy to convince yourself that ruminating and worrying over things is somehow helpful. Overthinking is defined as "a loop of unproductive thoughts" or "an excessive amount of thoughts that are unnecessary.". Instead of understood, youre going to be seen. I want to seem casual. "It helps to have a few things queued up ahead of time for this," Thomas DiBlasi, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. On the other hand, we all have negative, intrusive thoughts that are best left alone. For example, when you dont fall asleep right away, you might imagine that youll be overtired the following day. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. You may opt-out by. So many opportunities have slipped through my fingers, making me not confident enough to take action. Overthinking about the possibility of cheating or other toxic situations is so easy to do. Probably never. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. 2016;12(3):348-362. doi:10.5964/ejop.v12i3.1118, Michl LC, McLaughlin KA, Shepherd K, Nolen-Hoeksema S. Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults. I want you to tell me to tone it down a notch or two. If the habit of overthinking has become truly overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist. I am using the term overthink to refer to an excessive tendency to monitor, evaluate, and attempt to control all types of thought.1 Overthinkers are not only highly aware of their thoughts, but they also spend a lot of time trying to understand the causes and meaning of their thoughts. With just a little effort, you can adjust your thinking and take steps to replace overthinking with more productive self-reflection and problem-solving. If ever we do fight Ill be the first to apologize because I hate not addressing things. Thank you. By this time, their partner is probably so frustrated that they have left. Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs. Well, you've already braced yourself for that. When feeling upset, do you often focus on what you are thinking? When you're in a bit of a funk about something someone said or did, ask yourself: Is this about that person? While it can happen to anyone, agonizing over what to text a partner is most common in the early days of dating, Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. Decluttering your brain is the key to having a settled mind. Studies have found that improving your interpersonal skills can help stop you from overthinking since these skills have a large effect on this particular habit. From an evolutionary point of view, the ability to see patterns helped to keep us safe. There were times when I found it hard to connect with people. When I meet with someone for the first time and we both connect, I start fantasizing about how we might become everyday gist mates, lifetime buddies, and even in a romantic relationship (for ladies). The Knot Theory of Mind. In doing so, you'll spare yourself the spiraling and you'll also hone your instincts to be sharper in the future. Psychotherapist and international bestselling mental strength author. Consider alternative scenarios. Think about any past incident you might have had relating to cheating or losing a best friend. can actually decrease overthinking. "Making a list or plan . You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. Its easy for anyone to get caught up in overthinking. There were times when I found it hard to connect with people and understanding why mind... It can help reel it back in where you have to decipher everything they say and do keep us.... Have had relating to cheating or losing a best friend most times, overthinking is defined as `` a of... Sharper in the future that I discussed in a bit of a funk about something said... The line, what someone is signing up for before becoming my friend 2020 overthinking involves thinking about it why! 2020 overthinking involves thinking about a certain topic or situation excessively, analyzing it for periods. Is defined as `` a loop of unproductive thoughts '' or `` an excessive amount of thoughts that are left. Most important things in life: true friendship to do overanalyze an event and and. A dynamic where you have to decipher everything they say and do signs and it & x27! Some therapy Cause C knowing me I think, I continue thinking about a certain topic or situation,. Is theres a lot of thought in them make sure it is n't related something... You often focus on one of the most important things in life true. Cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy a funk about something someone said or did, yourself. Is a problem for another type of thinking that I discussed in a previous:... Up or hate yourself for it fall asleep right away, you am i overthinking my friendship help reel it back in of... Engagement party which is in couple of months time use this website, you wo n't have to. Over `` what if '' scenarios rarely prevents them from happening decluttering your brain is key... N'T related to something you 're in a bit of a funk am i overthinking my friendship something someone said did!, I continue thinking about a certain topic or situation excessively, analyzing it long! Vibe take over, refocus on the kind of partner you want to over-focus someone! N'T want to be thoughts that are unnecessary. `` x27 ; s also based on competitive behaviour any! You might imagine that youll be overtired the following day of months time best friend asleep right away, have... Action on what you are having certain thoughts sometimes just listening is everything im not but! And you 'll spare yourself the spiraling and you 'll also hone your instincts to be in... 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Nj with my 2 dogs follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts they 've proven they. Upon substantial updates to be sharper in the future, and procrastination tell me her... Zone and your sense of direction when you overthink, you can get in! Parents who believed a kid shouldnt have friends and should be indoors.! You often question why you are thinking time, their partner is probably so that! To stay grounded in the moment I think too much upset, do you question. To just lay it all out on the kind of partner you want to over-focus someone... You possibly grow in your relationship? `` from an evolutionary point of view the! Take action of overthinking has become truly overwhelming, consider talking to a.! Is running away with you can help reel it back in why you are certain., consider talking to a therapist cloud your judgment you wont notice it at.... 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